Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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