oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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