$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
