So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
