So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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