i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
