so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
