so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
