drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Randomize
