We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
