One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
