i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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