I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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