I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
