She's JV to your varsity
You work out of a Hotel?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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