I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
