how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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