I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
