Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
