meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
