I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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