Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He has the fingertips of a God
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
