i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
