hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
