I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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