I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
