She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just want to make out with him forever
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
what the fuck happened to the tacos
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
