I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
