I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
