god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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