if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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