He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
