How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
