Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
