the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
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I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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