There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
