After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
