If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
