Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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