'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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