and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
