Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
