and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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