Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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