I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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