bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
