Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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