I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
