Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
