Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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