If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize