batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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