Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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