i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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