She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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