I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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