maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
