Fine. I'll sleep in my office
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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