I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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