I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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