the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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