my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
