You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
