Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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