I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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