Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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