WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
