we have pet lesbian snakes
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
