So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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