yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
