My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
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She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize