I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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