my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
