Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
