I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
