just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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