Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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